Things I wish I had know, some I was told, but didn't really pay much attention to or didn't think would be relevant to my life, some I've learned on my own!
In no particular order:
1. No matter how much experience you have with newborns or babies or kids, bringing home a brand new baby is super intimidating. When we got home from the hospital, it was kinda like, "ok...now what?!"
2. You can read every single parenting book, blog, website, discussion forum, but nothing can totally prepare you for what you're about to experience! Sure it's great to have that knowledge, but don't overwhelm yourself and get this idea of what your baby is going to be like, because you'll just get frustrated when he isn't like everything said he would be!
3. You'll cry....a lot. Not post-partum depression, but what they call the "baby blues." Your hormones are literally all over the place...I would start crying just because, and would get frustrated because you just have no control over those hormones! Pair that with a colicky baby who you have no idea how to help and soothe, makes for the most crying in the last 7 weeks than in my whole entire life!
4. You can have an idea of how your birth experience will go, or what you want to happen, but be prepared for it to be completely turned upside down. I was fully prepared to have an intrathecal and was going to have my baby naturally, of course. Well, when there's fetal distress and you stop progressing, you don't have much of a choice! Granted, I had told myself I was ok with whatever had to happen and didn't have a "birth plan" but was still an emotional wreck when deciding to do c-section.
5. Everyone else seems like they have super "easy" babies or they really have motherhood figured out. It's true. Looking at everyone else, I couldn't help but think, why can't my baby be that easy?! Or how come it doesn't seem like it's a whole lot of work for them to make a trip to the store, but for me I put it off as long as possible because of how much work it is to get loaded up, get there, unloaded, shop, worry about him getting hungry, screaming in the store, etc! Well, I've come to realize that people don't talk about the tough stuff very often and there are more new moms who feel the way I did/do, than those who have it so "easy."
6. There seems to always be somebody who has experienced what you are, no matter how much you might feel you're the only one in the world going through it! Breastfeeding, for example. When my milk never fully came in and I was dealing with a hungry, screaming child, I thought I was so alone and the only person this had ever happened to. Everything you read talks about how breastfeeding is best, you immediately start nursing when baby is born, it's a great bond with your baby, etc. WELL, nobody ever talks about what happens when that doesn't work. Literally, in all of our childbirth classes, reading, researching, etc., I don't think I ever heard anything about what to do when that doesn't work! It wasn't until a week later when I realized that we were going to have to supplement with formula and eventually go to full formula feeding did I find out that there are SO many people who experienced the same thing! I felt SO alone while going through all of that, but then all of a sudden I had a huge support system simply because when people asked how things were going, I was completely honest instead of just saying, "wonderful!" to get people to quit asking!
7. Unsolicited advice is NEVER ENDING......You think it's bad while pregnant and people are giving advice, but once that kiddo is here, it's like people think it's a total free-for all. I've been pretty good now about listening, taking what I feel might be relevant, and letting the rest go, but it took a while to get there. As I'm to the point where I'm taking my poor boy to the dr because I can't handle his colic anymore and have tried LITERALLY everything, people starting throwing out advice. Yes, I've LITERALLY tried EVERYTHING, but thank you! Now, advice from someone who's been in my shoes with the things we've dealt with, I'm all about advice!! For those who read this and have provided such, THANK YOU, seriously!
8. You will love this kid so incredibly much, it'll make you want to cry! In a good way! No matter if your baby is "easy" or super colicky, or anywhere in between, he is the most amazing miracle and the best thing you never knew you were missing in your life!
9. Your husband is going to look to you for direction, because chances are, he probably has LESS experience...and it can be frustrating if you don't know how to help him! Learn your baby together, and since you're probably going to be spending more time with the baby, share tips that seem to work, but don't smother him in them! He'll learn his own tricks, too! AND he might not be as excited about your teeny tiny fragile little baby as you are, but it's so fun to see how much more comfortable he gets as baby grows!
10. Don't be afraid to ask for help. BUT also, don't be afraid to turn visitors down, especially right away if you're not feeling up to it.
11. The best gift to a new mom is frozen meals! Enough said :)
12. Take a nap when baby does! Everyone and their mom will tell you that. And it's true. SO true. Especially for the first month until you start to kinda sorta get more sleep at night and kinda sorta get some sort of routine.
13. 5-6 hours of sleep uninterrupted will feel like 10! With me not nursing, I am fortunate to have Tim be able to get up for a feeding at night so that I can get longer uninterrupted sleep. Who knew that I could feel like a rockstar after 5-6 hours of sleep?
14. Don't forget "date night!" Of course you'll miss your little sweetheart while you're away from him, but the other important person in your life needs some attention, too! Even just a few hours to go furniture shopping and out to eat is so refreshing--and will help you remember that you still are husband and wife, and not just mom and dad!
15. SNUGGLE!!!!! Cliche as it is, they grow way too fast, maternity leave ends way too fast, and pretty soon they will be running all over the place and not want to snuggle! Who cares if your dishes don't get done or laundry doesn't get folded today? Those things will always be there! :)
16. There's still lots of things you wish you would've known that people won't necessarily talk about. But it's ok to ask! Some things might seem too gross, seem too personal, or that you think are dumb to ask, but just remember that for the most part, people who have babies experience a lot of those same things--and most of time wish someone would've told them or answered their questions about such things!
17. Just relax and realize that you're doing the best job you can! I must admit, when my baby is screaming and nothing I'm doing is soothing him, this is hard to remember. Having a baby is such a learning curve, and an expensive one at that...but even the fact that you're trying everything you can for this baby means that you're doing the best job you can!
18. AND you might experience some, none, or all of these things! That's just the way it goes! :)
There are so many more things that I could go on and on about, but these are just a few that I want to remember for next time! Time to get back to snuggling my sweet boy! :)
